girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
