if you like me you must not know who I am
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
