there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize