Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
