Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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