Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize