she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
