Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
