Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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