dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize