I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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