would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
