My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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