Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
