I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
