Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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