Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
