Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
