Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize