We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
