All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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