Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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