At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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