So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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