Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
