He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
