Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
