My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
