You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
