K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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