Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
