so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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