Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize