you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
