I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
