Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
