We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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