Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
