I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my poor anus
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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