That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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