i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
