lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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