Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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