She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
