I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
