Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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