3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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