Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
