I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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