My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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