she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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