think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
