I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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