we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
