Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
