I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
