She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
