Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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