And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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