THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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