I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
