You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
