tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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