I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Pooping to opera.
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