Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
