we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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