ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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