The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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