your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
