I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
