i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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