and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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