she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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