Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
