Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
