Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
