two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
