nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize