Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize