There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Randomize
